A Valentine for My Children

kota baby 2

First, there was Big.  He was mine alone for nine years.  He was so full of excitement and wonder about his world.  He crawled at 5 months.  He walked at 7 months, long before I thought it would be possible for his tiny legs to support him.  He was speaking full sentences long before he was two.  He took himself off the bottle, potty-trained himself.  His natural curiosity and desire to learn led him to do everything early.  He was my best friend.  My first marriage was not a happy one, and Big was my shining star.  Me and him against the world.  No one could crack our bond or even get inside the blanket-tent we built of our relationship.  He has had to overcome many things in his 21 years, and he has done so beautifully.  He is truly a young man to be proud of.  I have always considered it an exquisite stroke of luck that he was born to me, and I can’t take credit for who he is.  He was born that way, and he remains true to the promise that was him as an infant.  He amazes me every day.

caleb baby

Then came Middle.  He was a complete surprise.  Truth be told, Martin and I weren’t even married when we found out he was coming, but we had already formed a family of love, he and Big and I.  So Middle kind of just became an organic addition to our trio.  Carrying Middle was one of the fine joys of my life.  Holding him in my arms after nine years of thinking I would never have another child was a miracle.  He was wise from the start.  His mind always working.  When he was very young and his imagination took flight, he would go quite still and stare at a single spot until he had played the story out.  I watched in awe as he imagined what it might be like to be an earthworm while sitting on a swing perfectly still and staring at the ground.  As he grew, he showed a creativity and intelligence that continues to floor me.  My Angel-Faced Baby, I called him, and when I became pregnant with Littlest, I reminded him over and over that he always would be.  And he is.  Such an angel.  Such a blessing in my life.

Between Middle and Littlest, there was Davy.  David Arthur, who lived in my womb for only 8 weeks.  How devastated I was when he left me, how I struggled to understand what I had done wrong.  But I love him just as much as if he were running around this house with the others, distracting me and enlivening me and keeping me happily mom-crazy.  He is my true angel.  I love you, Davy.

jamie baby 2

And then Littlest.  My magical boy.  The one who, as an infant, would watch his dad and brothers wrestle and jerk his little body toward them even before he had any control at all over his arms and legs.  When he got big enough, he dove right in.  His joie de vivre keeps this house on its toes, but it also keeps it running.  He greets every day like it is both his first and his last, with a sense of adventure and excitement that never gets old.  He loves to laugh and to make others laugh.  I am often reminded of the Blake Shelton song that goes, “That one’s kind of crazy, that one is my baby.”  He is the bright energy in our lives, the light in the gloom.  My joyous Littlest, boy of my dreams.

all boys

My Littles.  My boys.  This day and every day, remember that there is nothing bigger in your mama’s heart than her love for you.  That it will always be here, no matter what path your lives take.  That you will always be welcome.  That no matter where you go, I will be with you, just as close as the  next breath of wind.  I hope it makes you stronger.  That knowing my love is here gives you wings to fly beyond me and be something so true your life stays lit up forever.  Just… always come home.  At least once in a while.  So I can bask in you again.

Love is all there is,



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Abby
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 21:49:25

    I love this. The love you have for your children is just beautiful, KT.



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