Exhausted Mama

Dear Beautiful Blog Readers,

Some days I get tired.  Some days the overwhelming overwhelming-ness of being a mother (to both an adult and littles), a wife, a homemaker, an entrepreneur, a chauffeur, a supportive friend, a farmer, a homeschooler–a Woman of Many Title–is downright exhausting.  Sometimes there are so many things to be done in a single 15-minute period that I am literally flitting from one place to the next, one thought to the next, one Me to the next.  When I really want to do is close my eyes, have complete quiet, shut off my brain, and Just Be.

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For half an hour.  Just be.  Just be KT.

Who has time for that?  I decided to write to you about it, because I have a feeling I am not alone in this.  I see posts that give suggestions such as Make Time For Yourself, Don’t Overschedule, Get Up Earlier To Have Quiet Time (or Go To Bed Later).

Um, I can’t make time.  It is humanly impossible.  Goes against the laws of physics.  I don’t really even get to make my schedule.   These things need done. They are not going to go away if I don’t schedule them into my day.  They will still need done tomorrow, and chances are I’ll only be piling on more for tomorrow if I skip something today.   Also, I already get up between 5:30 and 6:00 every morning and can barely keep my eyes open till 10.  So…

My blog is meant to encourage other moms and dads who are on this journey.  But sometimes I don’t feel encouraging.  Sometimes you don’t want to be encouraged.  Sometimes, we just need to commiserate.  So here’s the thing.

I am having an exhausted week.  That’s honest.  Here’s a pic of my kitchen counter Right Now.  IMG_20150618_145652239_HDRThat’s honest.  I should be doing those dishes, but the truth is I ran out of dish soap this morning and I don’t have the energy (or the hour it would take) to go get more.  I haven’t worked on next year’s curriculum this week.  At All.  I haven’t been able to find the time.  My Littles are having so much fun with their summer science class that we are doing extra work every day, and even though it’s easier than any class we’ve ever done (since I didn’t have to write the class first), it is cutting into my chore, blogging, and business time.  I’ve barely spoken to my best friend this week.  I want to.  I just don’t have time.  I’m too tired to sleep.  I’m too tired to stay awake. You know that feeling, don’t you?

I don’t have any words of encouragement.  Let’s just commiserate.  We are parents and it is exhausting, and that is okay.  Tomorrow will be better.  It always is, isn’t it?  But for today… Let’s just own the exhaustion.  Let ourselves be overwhelmed.  There comes a time when we have to stop the denial.  For an hour, maybe.  Because denial (haha) is often what keeps us living this crazy, wonderful, beautiful life.  I’ll put on my big-girl boots in the morning, I swear.  But today, my friends, I Am Owning It.

I’m tired.  Are you?

Love wins,

KT

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This Crazy-Cool Country Life

I’ve mentioned often that part of the Littles’ learning process here at home is working on the farm, but I’ve never really given you much of a tour.  So today I’m going to take you on a photo tour of some of the cool things we’ve done/encountered so far this summer.

We’ve had a couple of run-ins with snakes already.  Now, my beautiful husband loves snakes and there isn’t anybody here who is afraid of them, so when my sweet mama called me and said, “Snake in my strawberry netting!” with abject fear in her voice, Martin rushed home from work and we went over to save her.  Save the snake.  Save somebody.

IMG_20150529_154922413IMG_20150529_155023776_HDRMy beautiful husband was about as patient as a person can be.  The blacksnake’s head was caught in the netting.  He had a mouse halfway down his throat that he couldn’t swallow because the netting had tightened around his neck.  Martin took his pocketknife and a pair of scissors and loosened that netting strand by strand.  Eventually, the snake coughed up his dinner, his head was extracted from the netting, and Martin set him free at the edge of the woods.  Mama Did Not put netting back over her strawberries.

Look at those muscular arms.  Swoon

Yesterday was a different story.  Littlest came running over at feeding time.  It’s his job to gather eggs.  “Daddy!” he yelled, “there’s  a snake in the hen box.”  So off we all went again to get a look at yet another blacksnake.  This one was stealing eggs.  It was so cool to witness, we just let him eat.  I mean, what’s one egg?  Right?

IMG_20150609_161721759IMG_20150609_161709971How often do you get to watch a snake suck down an entire egg?!  The Littles got to see how his jaw unhinged, how when he got to the biggest part of the egg his eyes closed, how patient he was to get that meal into his gullet and get his belly full.  We watched him for about 10 minutes.  But after the initial awesomeness, it kind of became like watching paint dry.  Apparently, it takes a Long Time for a snake to eat an egg.  The little thief.  Isn’t he beautiful?  We couldn’t even be a little bit mad.

Because it was incredible.

Snakes aren’t the only things we see a lot around this place.  Dragonflies and butterflies love it here, especially when we let the meadow grow up and provide plenty of food and hiding plabutterfliesces.  These butterflies are Everywhere.  They came and hung out on the ladder when we were working on one of the outbuildings.  They follow us around in the woods.  I think they’re trying to let us know that we might think we own this place in human terms, but really it belongs to them.  I’m good with that.IMG_20150609_164627063

IMG_20150609_163713009It’s berry season, and the wild raspberries are finally ripening.  They grow everywhere along the edges of the woods, so we spend a good part of our summer walking along the edges and gathering all that yummy goodness.  I love that the Littles are getting the opportunity to learn how to identify these plants and also learning to appreciate what the Earth has to offer us that can’t be found in stores.  (If you’ve never tasted a wild raspberry, you haven’t Really tasted a raspberry.  They are so much better than the ones you can buy in stores.)  finchesI don’t know if you can tell in this photo, but when we went out to get to the bushes between the woods and the meadow this morning, we scared up a flock of goldfinches.  They landed safely on the electric lines and chirped at us until we were out of sight.  They nest in the tall meadow grasses and we get blessed with the sight of them daily.

Yesterday, for some unknown reason, all my boys decided to go hang out on the IMG_20150609_164052305tailgate of Big’s truck.  In the blaring hot sun.  You can tell by their faces that it is too hot and bright to be hanging out on a black tailgate.  But they wouldn’t be country boys if they didn’t tailgate in some way.  So even though Littlest Still Won’t Put on a Shirt Unless You Make Him (he’s been like that since birth), I had to capture the moment.  See the turkey by the truck?  His name is Peeper, because of the loud peeping sounds he made as a baby.  He is a family pet.  He travels everywhere on the farm with us.  And scares any woman who dares show her face here with his strutting and cooing.  It’s pretty funny.

IMG_20150609_163423360Here are a couple of cool things about our veggie garden this year.  See the weird white thing at the bottom of the pic in front of the pepper plant?  That is half a bar of Irish Spring soap stuck onto a stick.  Why?  It keeps the rabbits away.  My sweet mama taught me this trick, and it appears to be working.  I guess the strong smell of the soap masks the smell of the plants.  Rabbits were tearing us up a couple weeks ago, but since we put out Irish Spring on either end of our rows, they have left it alone.  A quick spray of cayenne pepper diluted in water keeps the bugs away from the leaves of the plants.  We never use non-organic materials on our garden.  Unless you count the landscape fabric we put down to keep the weeds out.  We learned that from the GAC reality show Farm Kings.  If you’ve never watched that show, it’s a really good way to learn some new farming tricks.  You know I don’t like TV, but this show really does teach something a person can use.

This next pic shows my beautiful husband’s idea for getting my cucumber plants up offIMG_20150609_163356241 the ground so they’re easier to harvest from.  We had some old wall-racks for feeding livestock hay that we had no use for.  Instead of building a trellis, he lay them down by the plants, covered them with a piece of fencing, and the plants are growing up through them beautifully.  And, they can just be carried back to the barn in the fall with no fuss whatsoever.  He’s a genius.

But the really cool thing Martin has done around here?  IMG_20150609_163509560He built me my very own building.  Walled with bookshelves.  Containing a desk.  And electricity.  A haven for me to write in, read in, escape to when I need some quiet.  Sitting in a clearing just inside our woods, it reminds me of something out of Little House on the Prairie.  It’s my favorite place in the whole world.

Blue and Storm

Speaking of favorite things, how cute are my cats?  They totally have that brotherly love thing down.  I’m taking them to the vet today to be neutered,  and even though logically I know they’ll be okay, I have this weird, paranoid fear of anesthesia.  So wish them luck.

IMG_20150325_152457355Some of the animals we raise to sell here on the farm include rabbits, doves, and golden pheasants.  Pheasants are incredible creatures.  They look like little Samurai warriors, and their colors are breathtaking.  In comparison, the doves are like the IMG_20150504_082657032sweet version of bird on the farm.  They have soft voices, soft, lovely colors, and a gentler approach to life.  We don’t often get to see the little ones before they’re IMG_20150514_091549644learning to fly, but here’s the one pic I’ve been able to catch of them while they’re still just a few days old.  My favorites, though, are the rabbits.  I love how the little ones will cuddle against your chest until their heart rate slows and they get drowsy.  I love that the Littles get to see how they grow from birth to weaning and learn the responsibility of taking care of something and keeping it alive.

IMG_20150529_161626590There are so many things to learn on a farm.  Invaluable lessons about life that are harder to grasp in the city.  Animal husbandry.  The life cycle of mammals and how to handle death.  The miracle of birth.  Getting your hands dirty and feeding yourself.  How to tell one tree from another, one plant from another, one insect or bird from another.  Every day is a free science lesson.  I am grateful every second to get to live here.

I suppose I’d better get busy…

Love wins,

KT

An Homage to Husbands

Sometimes, at the end of an especially busy day, after I’ve taught lessons and cleaned house, posted to my blog or checked out all the wonderful blogs I follow for homeschool advice, made breakfast, lunch, and dinner, squeezed in a 45-minute workout in the morning (and, three days a week, an hour for Zumba class), kissed my husband as many times as I can, fed all the farm animals–twice–worked on whatever new thing I’ve planned for school, and right now, made some more plans for the homeschool seminar I’ll be giving in March, and done whatever errands I needed to do (whew!  is that all?), I lay in bed and think, “Wait.  Did I play with my kids today?  Did I have a real conversation with them that didn’t involve Etruscan art or the difference between the Spanish verbs ser and estar?”

I bet you have those moments.  Even worse for a mama who has to fit all that in while working.  Cristina at A Homeschool Mom wrote a post a couple months ago called Am I Fun? which I have referred to before when I was having one of these moments.  It prompted me to take the day off and just have a fun day with my Littles.  But sometimes, we don’t have time to take a day off.  Some days I look around my house in the evening and think, “Ah, heck.  I forgot to clean the house today.”  How can you Forget to clean your house?!

At least I didn’t forget to make dinner.

Though sometimes I do forget to eat until dinner.  I feed everybody else, but if I’m elbow-deep in some project or chore I’ll think, “Oh, I’ll get to mine later.”  Later being dinner.  Because we have a strict rule about family dinners, so I Have To put aside whatever else needs done and sit down with my fabulous family.  Which is good.  Because while sometimes I’m too exhausted to take part, at least I get to watch the Littles laugh and talk with their dad.  I try not to think about the work I have to do once we leave the table and just focus on that moment, but sometimes it’s hard.

Thank the stars I have my sweet husband.

Sometimes when I get home from Zumba, dinner is ready and waiting for me.  Sometimes, even though he works very hard all day, he does a load of laundry or picks up the clutter or–and this might be the best–runs the errands.  Better than all that, he truly appreciates all I do to keep our house going.  He thanks me.  He notices when I do something new.  He compliments me.

He tells me I am beautiful every day.  After nearly 12 years of marriage, he still does that.

Whether I believe that I am or not, I believe that he thinks so.  It matters.

But what matters most is the way he picks up, every day, where I left off with the Littles.  He asks them what they learned at school.  He gets in the floor and plays games with them, even when he’s so worn out all he wants to do is veg in the recliner in front of one of his History Channel shows.  He talks to them like they’re human beings because we have agreed from the beginning not to treat them like they’re too young (or, Heaven forbid, too dumb) to understand Anything he has to say.  He listens.  He listens with his whole being.  When they are talking to him, you can see his body listening by its stillness, the way he leans toward them with every part.  He appreciates them.  He notices when they do something new.  He compliments them.

So on those nights when I worry that I dropped the ball on just Being With my Littles, I can drift off to sleep with a smile.  They probably didn’t notice.  They were too busy playing with Dad.

If you have a partner like that, who supports your family with quiet strength and holds all of you up even when things are hectic, kiss him bunches today.  Let him know how much he means to you.  Because he needs those things, too, all those things he gives to you.

Love (Definitely) wins,

KT

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